Paris Jackson's Suicide Attempt

Paris Jackson, daughter of pop superstar Michael Jackson made headlines yesterday, after news broke that the 15-year-old tried to commit suicide by cutting herself with a meat cleaver, and overdosing on Motrin...wow, all of those good drugs her dad left behind and she picks period pills?!

Janet and Paris Jackson Go Toe to Toe

After a reported scuffle between Janet and Paris Jackson that ended with the two slapping each other, Paris Jackson has been advised to seek an order of protection against Janet Jackson....I'm not saying I know any Janet Jackson fans personally, but it's best that Paris obtain a restraining order against me...I mean them as well, because things could get Nasty and out of Control!

Blanket Isn't Feeling Justin Beiber

Justin Bieber was excited to meet Michael Jackson's kids at a recent NBA game, but it looks like Blanket had other thoughts...Who the f*ck are you?...I thought I was the only boy who looks like a girl around here!

Michael Jackson's Moonwalking In His Grave

Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris Jackson went from being covered up to the public, to posting bikini pictures to the public....I would tell her to grab a blanket, but that would be confusing for her little brother!

MJ's Baby Mama

Debbie Rowe, was seen paying her respects to the King of Pop's grave yesterday. Many in the press are saying Debbie was looking for a photo op.....Damn, she could have dressed in a cuter outfit for a photo op, instead of looking like she has a janitor fetish!

Taser Time

Reports are flying that a stun gun was found in the Jackson family home by the kids, and was being used on Michael's youngest child Blanket....Oh Nooooo, his name is Blanket, isn't that stunning enough?

You're Not The Father

Life & Style magazine interviewed a source (Joe Jackson...who are they kidding), who revealed that Michael Jackson sustained severe damage to his groin area in his youth, that lead to Michael having sperm count trouble, which is another reason given to why MJ's kids aren't biologically his.....At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if Bubbles was the father!

Mama Janet

According to online reports, Janet Jackson at age 43, is stepping up to raise Michael Jackson's three kids, Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket, to take the burden off their 79 year old grandmother Katherine Jackson.....so, the kids are moving from one old lady's care to another!

Can I Get a Witness

Paris Jackson, and older brother Prince were spotted entering a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall on Tuesday.....Great, one week after becoming America's sweetheart, Paris will now be the annoying kid, knocking at our doors at inappropriate times, trying to recruit us into a cult!

Bringing the World to Tears

Young Paris had me curled up in the fetal position, crying like I needed a diaper change and a warm bottle. What a special moment. Not only did the kid show the world how sophisticated and brave she is to speak in defense of her dad, but she showed how smart she is as well....by knowing exactly which remaining family member to get chummy with....Janet!